Originally published on AstroGeek and Heretical Oracles under the pen name Artemis.
Effective date- May 6, 2016
MOON: 4 of Swords
SUN: The Hermit
Mercury: Ace of Swords
Venus: The High Priestess
Mars: 4 of Cups
Jupiter: King of Cups
Saturn: King of Pentacles
Uranus: 7 of Pentacles
Neptune: 6 of Swords
Pluto: 7 of Cups
“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” ― E.B. White
Taurus is such a lazy piece of shit sometimes. No, seriously! You Taureans are one of my greatest delights. I seriously adore you guys and always seem to be surrounded by your bullheaded presence. The earth sign Taurus is ruled by Venus, who is the embodiment of love, pleasure, and fortune. Gluttony, sloth, and lust are my favorite sins, and Taurus and her Venusean sister, Libra, wear those sins like a summer dress. You can make it all look so good, Taurus…
But you’re lazy as fuck.
With my natal Mars in Taurus, I COMPLETELY get it. I would rather be lying on furs, eating chocolate covered strawberries and screwing all night, but I also have to pay my earthy masters their due (bills bills bills). Fortunately, Taurus is here to teach us that work and the physical world do not need to be like Chinese water torture (where every day just slowly drives us more and more insane).
For the Sun, I pulled The Hermit. That Scorpio full moon sure did a number on us, and 5 planets in retrograde surely didn’t help. We retreated. We went away and exposed the deepest parts of ourselves to our inner eye. Only through crossing Scorpio’s dark void can we be reborn. Unfortunately, when we gain a new understanding about anything (especially about the self), there comes an equal backlash of isolation. The Hermit teaches us that once we go up the holy mountain, we wont come back down as someone people will initially understand. We are seeking our inner truth. We realized that the only way to live is from this inner truth; fuck these illusory reasons society feeds us from birth. Things look different now under this new light. Don’t fret if you are misunderstood. Hold your ground stubbornly, says the Taurus Sun, because once you start shining, the whole world wants to bring you down. Shed all the shit you don’t need for this spiritual journey. Only keep the things that feel good in your heart and make you feel lighter for your long pilgrimage.
For the new moon in Taurus, I pulled the 4 of Swords. Ugh, Taurus is laying the laziness on thick. She knows we are tired as fuck right now. So rest up, darlings. Indulge a little. Eat some cake. Make love. Laugh. Sing. Get some sleep. Give yourself a little break, because the past few weeks have been ROUGH. Pull back from the people who are causing you anxiety, regroup, recharge, and sketch up your next plan of action. This is some beautifully lush energy coming in, but even though we will be taking in life’s simple pleasures, we will still remember our goal and where we are going. Relaxation and regeneration doesn’t hinder one from getting to where they are going. Hell fucking no. It makes life worth living, it strengthens us (body, mind, and soul), and it gives us an opportunity for release. So, lay back… let go of your worries… just for a bit.
For Mercury, I pulled the Ace of Swords. The regenerative moon is going to give us access to our ideas and our words again. Even though we may be in retrograde at this time, the conjunct with Mercury/Sun/Moon will give us a great deal of elation and bull headed poise. But be careful! Mercury in Taurus makes us blunt and sometimes all too harsh with our words. Truth is a double edged sword. Are you willing to bleed for what you’re about to say? This is probably a good time for work involving words and the intellect. Our minds are sharp, poking at all the tiny details (which can lead to a fuck ton of anxiety, so try and slow down a bit and take care of yourself). Just remember, don’t get too caught up. Harness this powerful, kinetic energy but don’t let it get you carried away. For our darling Venus, I pulled the High Priestess. Sneaky, sneaky, Venus. It seems that she has been fatefully weaving again, and she’s not talking. This is another indication that we need to STOP and BREATHE. The High Priestess has many secrets. She is intuitive power, perception, the seer, knowledge that cannot be acquired by the intellect alone. What are the things you seemed to “know at first sight?” In Venus in Taurus, she tells us that through the lips of joy, we will hear our answers. Follow your initial instincts, no matter how strange they may seem to your rational mind. There are forces at work that we cannot see, so we must be silent and listen. It may seem strange, but through your ability to relax and enjoy yourself – to have pleasure in the company of those that make your heart warm – you will find the answer to a great mystery. Shhhh, just listen. This is also a good indication that this is the perfect time for magickal workings – especially in regards to Fortune and Love. For Uranus, I pulled the 7 of Pentacle. More blah blah blah, reap reap reap. The outer planets are incessantly giving us this message. Make sure that you timing things correctly right now. All of your hard work can and will go to waste if you are not watching for the right times to initiate. Uranus knows that sometimes you need to strike like lightening and do things in spontaneous flashes. Go with your hunches. When something feels like it’s ready to go, then get going with it.
For our buddy Mars, I pulled the 4 of Cups. Ugh. We get it. We’re tired. We need to rest. We need to meditate. Mars in retrograde right now means everyone is still in double asshole mode, so try and retract this energy as best as possible. Don’t let the apathy eat you alive. Our energy is drained, we are contemplating throwing in the towel because this shit that is stacking up against us is getting very fucking high. Don’t miss opportunities because you feel like you can’t take them on right now. Be playful. Look at things you wouldn’t have looked at before. Look AWAY from yourself. Your energy is creating a giant friggin MIRROR and perhaps all you have been seeing lately is yourself. Step out of your Martian ego. Inspiration is desperately needed right now, and this card is telling me it is literally right under our noses. For those of you who have the ability to duel with your ego, get ready for some epiphanies. For Neptune, I pulled 6 of Swords. It looks like the spiritual world is putting us through some spiritual trials right now. Jeez, thanks, like we didn’t notice that one… It seems all of our bullshit right now is karmic, and that’s ok. Deal with it now and swiftly before it submerges your ship. Although we have had a tremendous amount of misfortune lately, this is a clear indication that we are moving on from that. Things are going to get crazy with the grand cross and the Eris/Uranus conjunct, sure, but at least this last karmic phase is starting to close up. What awaits us on the other side?
For Jupiter, I pulled the King of Cups. It looks like Jupiter is going to be the jovial king he is suppose to be. At the time of the New Moon, he will be 2 days away from being direct again (HALLEFUCKINLUAH). He is also going to be a part of the magnificent Grand Earth Trine that is happening smack dab in the middle of our cruel Mercury Retrograde. He is here to offer us what we want, so what will you ask for? This is a wonderful time for expansion, for relaxing, for a bit of laughter and relief from all of this craziness going on. If you have been thinking of launching a project or an idea, this is the perfect time. Luck will be on your side. For Saturn, I pulled the King of Pentacles. Yeah, yeah, we get it. Saturn is still telling us that even though we have this little bit of relaxation coming our way, we still need to prepare for what is ahead. He is always such a friggin drag. 3 of the 4 planets that will be participating in the grand cross in June are already in place (forming a dreaded t-square in the sky). Jupiter, Neptune, and Saturn are all putting pressure on each other and waiting for the Sun to hit the mid point of Gemini (Grand Cross is on 6/6/16). So get your ducks in order. Saturn is still in retrograde, so continue working on those loose ends and build your fortified walls. You must become the master of your domain in order to use the grand cross that’s coming as a spiritual evolutionary gateway instead of a baseball bat to all of your hopes and dreams. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. For Pluto, I pulled the 7 of Cups. Ugh, screw you Pluto. He is throwing so much shade our way. All of the bullshit you keep in your head is coming out louder and louder to haunt you. No one likes digging up more skeletons, but at least this card is indicating to us that it is all just illusions trying to bring us down. All those things nagging at you and giving you anxiety are shit that have been put in your head by others. Proper behavior. Career goals. Relationship goals. Blah blah blah. Look away. Don’t get blinded by all of the things people tell you that you should have and fucking get Plutonian and DESTROY that shit. Once you have demolished the buzzing bees of societal expectations, you can finally hear the voice deep inside. Then you will know what you truly want. This will be the rebirth you need before the coming Grand Cross.