“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” – Jodi Picoult
Crowley’s Title: “Indolence”
Tree of Life: Hod through water
Astrology: Saturn in the 1. decan of Pisces
The motherfucking “rat race.” I use to live in NYC, surrounded by clones running up and down the avenues, believing they could become someone if they follow a “happiness prescription” given to them by the dominating culture. New York City is a hard place for a spiritual person to exist. You are constantly bombarded by materialism and pleasure-seeking behavior, and there comes a point, after years of this bombardment, when you start feeling sick to your stomach about the whole god damn thing. So you’ve had your $700 dinner with bottle service with your “perfect” date. She wore an Armani dress and said all the right things. You live in your nice apartment overlooking the river, watching the rest of the rats scramble about the streets. You have found your “power.” You are recognized and noticed and you have all the material things you could possibly want. You sit there in your “castle” and you look out at the world and realize that you really don’t have anything at all. This is a “cups” card or related to the emotions because one can not feel fulfilled until the heart is content. And the heart cannot be content because you followed along a formula.
This card is the reality slap that tells us that the situation we are in is not going to make us happy, no matter how hard we wanted to believe it and how much everyone around us pushed us to believe it. I had to leave New York City because the pace and lifestyle just weren’t suiting me. I had to also leave a relationship that seemed perfect on the outside because it wasn’t allowing me to fulfill my emotional and spiritual needs. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life, and I literally had to imbibe large amounts of liquid courage just to get myself to do it. When we leave something behind that we have been told is ideal, it makes us extremely worried about going at it alone. Not being sure and not being secure is a scary fucking thing, but I got to the point where I was so fucking depressed about the emptiness of my life that I had no other choice but to walk away. It was a hard road for a long while, and I had to deal with a lot of self-loathing (maybe I’m just not good enough to win at the game?), but eventually, my life started coming together how I truly, deeply, wanted it. I met people who were spiritually on my path, and we started to push each other toward real fulfillment. I found work that made me happy and put purpose back into my life, even though I took a dramatic as hell pay cut doing so. And I found love, the kind that wants you for exactly who you are and not for who they believe you should be. There are no guarantees, and the road to truth is difficult, but wouldn’t you rather have the chance at real contentment instead of trying to make something happen that just isn’t going to happen?
A man walks away from what seems like a bounty of cups. The road ahead of him looks rocky and difficult, but he decides to take it instead of remaining with the multitude of cups. They are stacked as if he was attempting to build up to something, but it is also evident that some vital things were missing in order to build to where he thought he was going. The moon watches him stride away, showing her fullness and crescent state. This tells us that time must pass in order for one to heal from such tremendous disappointment, and time with a “good thing” must pass before we finally see it’s true face. The figure in this card has his back turned, walking away from a situation without looking back at the “wealth” he has left behind.
This is quite the existential crisis of a card. One of the worst feelings in the world is represented by the 8 of Cups; disappointment. We are fed so many dreams in our lifetime, and each one is made to seem like it will be the thing that lifts us into an ecstatic state. The thing is, when the day is over, nothing is ever able to fill that void inside of us. This is a card of spiritual transformation. It is about walking away from something that everyone tells you is “good for you.” People run after white picket fences and 2.5 children like lemmings. News Flash: There is no perfect formula for life. There is no perfect party. There is no perfect job or perfect living situation. All of your settings, material possessions, and career aspirations are for nothing in the end. People may admire the rich and famous, but their lives are just as hellish as anyone else’s. What really matters is the spiritual journey, and once you have exhausted what you and others thought would make you happy, you will finally see this. This death of our dreams, this destruction of platforms we may put certain people upon, is a devastating loss. There comes a point when you must walk away and cleanse yourself, but you must also realize that the smell of death is hard to wash from your skin. You’re going to need time, and you’re going to need to move through your disappointment, instead of trapping it down in the cellar and hoping that something may change that will suddenly make you happy again. Maybe you were just missing a tiny detail!? Why would everyone tell you that this is the route to happiness if it was not?!
This card is about pessimism; being so jaded about a situation that you sink into the deep void of apathy. It’s about feeling numb and dead inside. There is a vibe of being taken advantage of by this card. Sometimes we are taken advantage of by a single person who doesn’t give to us what we are wishing to receive, and sometimes we are taken advantage of by an entire society by being turned into a cog in the great machine – our dreams replaced by the dreams of others. This is a card of great personal discovery, and just like any great personal discovery, it is a painful and lonesome process. Once you realize that you have been living in a great illusion, you must learn to walk through life without what you once believed was your great companion.
This card could be warning you that a lover is treating you like shit, that your family is putting too much pressure on you to be a certain way, that your job is demanding things from you that compromise your core reality, and/or your friends are constantly disappointing you and showing you just how little they care about you. Regardless of what the situation is, the 8 of Cups is telling you that what you keep trying to paint into a positive situation is actually fucked up.
The 8 of Cups could also indicate that you have not been able to move on from a slight or breaking of illusion from your past. If it shows up, it is attempting to tell you that you cannot find fulfillment until you let go. We are in a dangerous position when this card shows up. Either we can resign and live a life of emptiness, or we can choose the hard route and fight for our spiritual fulfillment. Please be advised that this card warns you that depression and suicidal thoughts can result from long periods of jadedness. 8’s always remind me of eternal loops and cycles. We can get trapped in the feelings indicated on this card and refrain from moving on because depression is like a suck hole that makes us think we aren’t strong enough to do a god damn thing. What you must realize is that you have only two choices; move on or let your soul die. And if you choose to move on, don’t fucking look back.